sizzling

I am not used to be single. Honestly, I feel that my life could have been more interesting for the past few years. What happened to the adventurous me? I was so active when I was younger. I guess I need a companion that can help me be that again. Someone who is daring and active. I miss those times when I was still in touch with nature… sigh..

I bumped into this someone I had a crush on back in Sec Sch. I waited for him to make the first move for some time but to no avail. I guess he was shy or it was my illusion? He went in the same Poly as me a yr later. But I was attached. Somehow, it was nice seeing him around. I met him just a few days ago. Sure brings back old memories.
Sadly, he is now attached. What to do?

Now I am so lonely due to my past mistakes and decisions. I rushed into certain things and took certain things for granted. I somehow wish to fall for someone again. But everyone I meet, I dont feel comfortable with. I need someone who is more like me… who knows me. Someone who dares to try new things. He must be happy to show me off to his friends. Be there at the darkest of times, and always ever ready to rescue me from any emotional breakdown. He also has to love me and appreciate me… Sigh… When will he rescue me from this loneliness?

I cried almost everyday after he left me. But it ended a few days ago. Every night, when I was alone, I would pray that the pain will just go away and that I need a clear mind to think straight. So, this one night, I cried my heart out, sobbing and drenched my pillow with my tears. I prayed silently with all my heart and with every life of me that I was left with. I prayed till I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed, wonderful and super energetic! It was like nothing happened at all. I was suddenly so happy! I felt that my love for him is fading faster and faster. And I do not know why and how I was suddenly so at ease. So many things came to my mind. I realised that he never really loved me after all, he doesnt appreciate me, and why am I begging him to come back? If he loves me, he would not hurt me. He would not even leave me in the first place! I realised how blind I was for 3 years. My life was about to go down the drain without him. After so long, I have managed to pick myself up and walk another path; a better one.

Now, I am already almost there. I am losing my love for him after so long. Allah heard my prayers and saw how badly shattered I was, and how hard I was doing to get him out of my life. I loved him. I really did. I would have done anything to have him back. Too bad he did not appreciate me and left.

Celebrating my freedom, happiness and life. Thats what I am going to do now!