sizzling

I dont know why the longer I am away from him, the sadder and more miserable I become. I wonder why it is so hard to stop loving him. I wonder why is it so hard to drop it and move on like I did previously.

I have been pretending to be happy.I think I may have fooled others, but I  cannot fool myself. Well, enough about sad stuff…

Its the holidays now and I have gone through almost half of my 11 days holiday! Company shut down from Christmas to New Year. So yesterday was not only Christmas, but also my parents’ anniversary. So the family(except my sis) went to JB. Went for a light lunch at some restaurant at City Square, then we went our seperate shopping! There is not much to buy in the first place!

We then headed to a Kelong to have some wonderful seafood.. The total bill came to RM222!!! If you divide it by 5, it is less than S$20 a person! The crab is amazing….!!!

Well, although it is supposed to be a happy day, I cant seem to get that guy off my mind. It pulls my happiness back all the time…

Is it just me? Or is it my fate?

Why do I feel so lost? Why is my heart so heavy? Why do I feel so lonely? So angry? Why are my eyes swollen? Why are my eyes wet? Why do I feel so weak? Why do I tremble whenever I think bout it all? WHY?

Why is it I do not feel any appreciation? Why do you have neither initiative nor guilt? Why do you have to lie to me? Why don’t you like to do things with me? Why don’t you ask me out instead since you claim I always ask at the wrong time? Why don’t you save up to go out with me when you do it wholeheartedly when going out with others? Why are you so oblivious that I feel pain whenever you scold me, or criticize me in front of others? Why do you ignore my pleas?

What have I done to deserve to be told by the person I love that he doesn’t really love me after all? What else should I do besides putting a lot of effort to make you happy? What am I doing now, depressed, when I was happily holding you not too long ago? What did I do besides love you?

Why do I feel like slapping, punching, kicking, hugging and kissing you all at the same time? Why am I not good enough for you to put in at least some effort? Why are you so blind that there is someone, right in front of your eyes that really honestly love you? Why is your heart so blind?

I did my very best to make you happy; to be there for you; to be patient for you; to serve you. Haven’t I?