sizzling

The past few weeks have been really interesting, exciting, painful and unforgettable. Within the past few weeks, I have become someone I never thought I will ever become.

I was a bad girl. Worse than I ever thought I could be, and worse than my good friends can ever imagine of me. I have made a man realise how much he deeply really loves me and hurt him all at the same time. I never thought that kind of emotion could ever happen before my eyes.

It was also these few weeks that made me realise that I may not love him as mush as I used to. He had said some hurtful things to me that forced my heart to shut him off a few weeks ago.

But the root of the problem was not that, my friends. It was accumulated for over a year. He had started to become mean to me and showed less and less love for me. I did my best to be patient. I tried to talk, cry, beg and leave; but he still did not budge.

…Till I met this guy.

He was sort of a bad boy in my book. Cute, cool, always problem free and…bad. Somehow, bad boys do turn me on and make me feel bad. And honestly, I like feeling bad. I guess not being happy has always made me want to be someone else…

We had met up with him a few times to chill. My ex-boyfriend that time knows that we were going out. He was jealous the first time I we went out for a movie. I could see it and feel it. The ex started to show me a little more love than usual. Than came the second meeting. He was extra jealous!

The third one was something to remember…

The guy, his cousin and I met up for drinks and we went to a few clubs. I had a really great time with them. Let’s just say he asked me to be his girlfriend that night. I was high and tired, and I accepted it! We chilled out and I went home at around 5+ in the morning. I thought to myself… ‘What have I done?’

It was also the time my ex came back from work. I SMS-ed him and told him that we should not be together and everything. He called and we talked.

When I told him ‘the news’, he fell silent instantly and I could hear him sob. He hung up.

Five minutes later, he called back. We ended up talking. Throughout our conversation, he was crying. He was heartbroken. 2 years 7months+ relationship just came to an end. He was so devastated and loving me more all at the same time. He felt a huge tsunami of emotions swept over him. It was this point of time he found out how much he actually loved me. It was the first time I have ever seen anyone so in love with me. Still, my feelings for him was still shut.

As days go by, I could see the pain in his eyes. By the time, I already told the guy that I prefer to take things slowly. He told me he liked me a lot and love will come only in the later part of the relationship. I really respected his honesty.

I met the ex almost everyday after that. Anyone could see the sadness in his eyes. He had talked to his close cousin about this and wanted to meet us up to talk things out. We were very open and we shared our views, but the ex was mostly very quiet. We did not really come to a closure, but we learned from each other.

He was getting sadder by the day and his face was loosing life tremendously. His eyes lacked soul and his body lacked strength. His heart was getting heavier and heavier.

Being so hurt, he shared whatever words could describe his feelings. But, hearing his voice and looking at his face, into his eyes, you can really feel the depth.

It was then I told myself. It is not easy to find someone who really loves you. My belief is you should be with someone who loves you real deep. So he will not hurt you bad.

So I decided to get back to him. My heart is not fully opened to him now, but at least it is. I will do my best to love him like I did last time. It will take time. I do not know how long, but I hope it is soon.

As for the guy, I am pretty sure he is pissed off with me. I do not blame him as I was pretty much a bitch.

The ex is now my boyfriend again. But everything is not how it used to be. He is more in love with me now while I love him lesser compared to last time.

Everything is different now; which means new challenges and tougher decisions with the new lessons applied.